I had all sorts of day dream fantasies today at work of coming home to a smiling happy-go-lucky baby who would be more than willing to coo and play with me. We'd take a few photos for the baby book - all of them sporting her big goofy grin of course. Maybe after dinner we'd go grab some ice cream and I'd give her a taste of my whip cream. Her daddy and I would talk about how the past four months have flown by, and how before we know it she'll be walking and talking like we do every 15th of the month. We'd toast our glasses to a healthy sweet baby who we are so blessed to have in our lives and give extra snuggles and kisses on those sweet little cheeks.
After all the fluff and sky high anticipation, you can probably guess how my afternoon went.
That happy-go-lucky baby in my lunch-break-dream grumped from the time I picked her up at day care until falling asleep early at 7 this evening. She didn't want to play with me, she didn't want to smile at me, she wanted nothing to do with that momma that wanted her attention so very badly.
Instead, she wanted to sit in her Bumbo half-asleep-like, chew on her toy, and stare at the Wiggles on TV.
After that, she chose to scream, and scream, and scream. And when she was done with that set of screams... she screamed some more.
She finally fell asleep in her daddy's arms while I made dinner. I didn't get to kiss and cuddle her to sleep myself like I usually do.
There was no ice cream. Only garlic bread made out of half of a hot dog bun because we ran out of bread, which I then burned because I was so sure it needed one more minute in the oven, and then continued to drop on the floor... which I still ate.
Out of the 100 and some pictures I took this evening, this is the only picture that I could come up with that if I squint, then cross my eyes, and blur my vision, I can contort enough in my mind to imagine a little turn up of her mouth into a smile.
Okay so maybe this wasn't the perfect day I had imagined and maybe I'm a little disappointed that it wasn't. It's not every day your first born turns 4 months, right?
What I'm not disappointed about though, is that even though the evening was pretty rotten, and not even close to what I hoped it would be, I still have this perfectly healthy and amazingly beautiful little baby who is growing and thriving, sleeping safely in her bassinet beside my bed.
After all, that is what is important. That right there makes all these less than glamorous moments worth it.
So, I'll proudly take my mulligan and I'll try again tomorrow.
Happy 4 month birthday my sweet Evelyn Jane. I love you to the moon and back.